Wednesday, June 10, 2020

The Hired Help

What a waste of money they turned out to be. After Johann was made mayor, Joe brought it the nastiest members of his clan to run security. He couldn't risk his meal ticket being hurt in anyway. After they let him down, Joe punished them with the same spells he used on the dumber members of his family and cursed them to serve him in death.

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

The (Undead) Kennedys

Old man Joe knew his boy Johann was going to be his ticket to power. Joe had him educated in all the most prestigious boarding schools the Empire had to offer. He even captained the snotball team at Altdorf University where Joe had to pretend to care and even bought one of those stupid "We're #1" gloves. After graduating with honors, Johann boy even did a stint in the Imperial Navy where he captained a small patrol while raiding some villages in the far east. 

Everything went sour though, on that parade Johann had. See, Joe had to make some deals with some of the seedier elements in town to help sway Johann's mayoral campaign. But then, Johann and Rupert didn't seem to care who they owed. Instead, Johann took to the ladies while Rupert actually started trying to arrest those same people that Joe owed! And that's why Johann took a crossbow bolt to the face.

Old Joe tried to use all his magics to save him. He burned through every expensive ingredient while making Rupert exhaust himself in support. But all Joe could do was raise a shambling corpse. Things go even worse after Rupert was also murdered. Rupert wasn't Johann, and therefore wasn't important, so Joe has his corpse thrown into the town dump. After having put forth his blood, sweat, and tears trying to raise Johann, Rupert's soul was enraged when he saw that his father didn't even come to claim his own body. With this rage, Rupert was born anew, as a wraith intent on haunting his father for all eternity.

Friday, May 29, 2020

Fun with Backdrops

So a short post this week, but this has been one I've been wanting to publish for awhile. For a proper Oldhammer photograph, you need a proper old school backdrop!

Ol' Joe Kennedy and his boys

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Contrast Chaos

Shak'nar knew he had the favor of the gods as another warrior wandered from the chaos wastes to join his band. Clearly the gods were blessing him with more followers as a reward for his magnificence. His band of loyal marauders had already taken the skulls of Hezvax the slimy and debauched themselves upon the warband of Abagor Buldadred. It was only a matter of time before he controlled the greatest army in all the chaos wastes!

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Thief in Sensible Shoes

Many years ago, the Great Enchanter Drachenfels was defeated by brave adventurers. Now, playwright Detlef Sierck plans a production showing these events – at the site of the necromancer's death. But the dead do not rest easy…
-Drachenfels, Black Library 

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Interfectorem Vespa

Interfectorem Vespa blinked for the first time, clearing its birth ichor from its eyes. Now that its mechanical face was gone, it could finally see clearly, see in ways that had previously been forbidden to it. But with this new warp site, it could see new and delicious ways to destroy the enemies of the loving chaos and anarchy for which it longed...

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Sordidum Mala

The one known as Sordidum Mala stood before the walls of the imperial palace, its giant eye, where no eye should be (for it was machine not man), weeping for the horrors it had seen. But the malevolent  thing that now resided in it cared not for those horrors because it was interested in one thing -- death. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

From the Far Galactic East they come...

No one is really sure from who these titans were, but as Horus advanced on Terra they came. They came from the far east, where no titan legions were known to be stationed and they bore no recognizable markings. When hailed, only garbled and guttural sounds responded, although, very occasionally, the names Interfectorem Exspiravi and Upsilon Deus could be heard. The armies of Horus did not waste much time attempting to communicate with them; these titans were heavily blessed by the four Powers and their loyalty was not an issue. And slay in the name of Horus, they did...

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Göran Borgerson, Viking Warrior

Göran joined Hrolf and Snorre on the trail of those pesky Anglish. After wiping out their village, Alfarinn learned that the church's gold and silver had been scurried off by a few of the locals to protect it. Alfarinn sent the three of them out to find the treasure. Surely, with all that weight slowing them down, the Anglish couldn't be too had to find or too far ahead of them.

-Excerpt from the Saga of Alfarinn the War-Maker

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Scabnose the Zombie

Scabnose has been on a scouting mission around the burgh of Mittelmark when Necroburgher's curse was unleashed and was damned just the same as the town's residents. Goblin brains, however, are not as advanced as other inhabitants of the old world. So when Scabnose returned to the goblin encampment, well, no one really noticed. A zombie goblin doesn't smell any worse than a regular goblin, nor are they any less intelligent (a sad indictment on the intelligence of goblins in general). Sure, he talked less than he used to, but who really wanted to hear him talk anyway? So with no good information to pass on, since Scabnose could only repeat "brains...," the goblin encampment moved on and took Scabnose with them.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Bob Naismith Painting Challenge

"The all enclosing armor was really a development of again my historical information, you know, the idea of like Medieval armor with knee armor that had to articulate, you know that the feet would have to articulate but still be armored. These are common elements in Medieval play armor, full play armor. The helmet, again, we knew it was fully enclosed. We knew that these guys were going to be I suppose kind of like Roman soldiers. So they were like legions. There were going to be loads of these guys, loads of them. So the helmet was loosely based on I suppose like a Roman legionary’s helmet with neck, neck protector, ear protectors that roll-over the ear, and sometimes you would have a heavy browband … Now, the backpack was kind of, in design terms, again it was almost kind of like it had a historical root in my mind, in the sense that it is a cylindrical form at the top which was — you could say it was like based on a rolled blanket from historical periods, like the Napoleonics. There was a backpack type shape in the center, which if anything probably resembles like a Second World War American GI’s backpack. Then the nozzles at the bottom were surrogates for some of the equipment packs that I referred to earlier on. So that the guy looked like he always had equipment with him.

-Bob Naismith, during testimony in Games Workshop Limited v. Chapterhouse Studios LLC (N.D.Ill 2013)

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Gloomspite Gitz Fanatics

The fungus brew was almost ready. Skabrot stirred it slowly in the bubbling cauldron, waiting until Gork (or was it Mork) told him it was ready...but he knew it would be soon. And when it was, he would fill the wineskins full so that he could give it to the most faithful of the clan. Then, and only then, would he also give them the large ball and chains with which they were going to smash them stunties with...

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Extra Detolf Shelves Review

For those in this hobby community, the Ikea Detolf Shelves are pretty much a must have. They're ridiculously cheap, they look nice, and they display quite a few model. I've already shown off mine.